Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

Author:Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy [Easton, Dossie & Hardy, Janet W.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: United States, Family & Relationships, Psychology, Self-Help, Love & Romance, Interpersonal Relations, Human Sexuality, Sex, Sexual Instruction, Free love, Non-monogamous relationships - United States, Sex - United States, Free love - United States, Sexual ethics - United States, Sexual ethics, Non-monogamous relationships, Ethics & Morals
ISBN: 9781587613371
Publisher: Ten Speed Press
Published: 2009-03-10T04:00:00+00:00

A couple we know tell us that they have developed a convention in their relationship that each can ask the other for what they call a "jelly moment." In your jelly moment, you get to say what's bothering you, that you feel scared and jealous, nervous about saying goodbye for the weekend, small and silly and your knees are feeling like, well, jelly.

The other partner's commitment is to listen, sympathize and validate.

That's the response- not "Okay, I'll cancel my date with Blanche," but

"Aw, honey, I'm sorry you feel bad. I love you."

When we tell our partners that we feel jealous, we are making ourselves vulnerable in a very profound way. When our partners respond with respect, listen to us, validate our feelings, support and reassure us, we feel better taken care of than we would have if no difficulty had arisen in the first place. So we strongly recommend that you and your partners give each other the profoundly bonding experience of sharing your vulnerabilities. We are all human, we are all vulnerable, and we all need validation.

repertory drama

Your strategies for surviving periods of jealousy will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life, and you will use what you learn about yourself from this practice over and over. All of the techniques listed above are applicable to other difficult feelings, so now you not only have a repertoire of ways to deal with bouts of jealousy, but also to handle whatever other painful emotions may come your way. So when you get this far, congratulate yourself. Celebrate your successes: write "I am a genius!" two hundred times with lots of bright colors.

Buy yourself something nifty. You've done a lot of hard work, and you deserve a reward.

A FINAL NOTE ABOUT LOVE

One remedy for the fear of not being loved is to remember how good it feels to love someone. If you're feeling unloved and you want to feel better, go love someone, and see what happens.

CHAPTER 4. SLUTS IN LOVE

We hear too often of folks who enjoy a joyously slutty lifestyle until they fall in love. Then, perhaps prodded by cultural messages that love must equal marriage must equal monogamy, they suddenly skydive into an attempt at a conventional lifestyle, often with disastrous consequences. At least one of your authors you can insert Catherine's rueful grin here- is not immune to this kind of programming.

There is no reason why wedding bells, or the equivalent thereof, need to break up that old gang of yours. Many sluts find it possible to combine the committed stability of a life partnership with the multifarious pleasures of sex and intimacy with others.

However, there is no question that being a slut within a committed relationship has some special challenges. So much of our cultural baggage tells us that commitment equals ownership that, as the old bitter joke has it, a ring around the finger equals a ring through the nose. Even people who know better often find that their expectations of a committed relationship may include the right to control many aspects of their partner's lives.

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